omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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