We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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