it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
