Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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