What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
