my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
