My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize