We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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