new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
