so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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