She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
