Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
