Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
