hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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