I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
