she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well I just put wine in my tea
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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