pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize