we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
