they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
