You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
