i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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