That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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