My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
