I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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