i already hear my dad disowning me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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