The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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