That's when you crack a 10am beer
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
