I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
