This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
