I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
