I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
