so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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