I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
