nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
