dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
