Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
