mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize