I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
