Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
