You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
