I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
