Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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