her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
