I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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