I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
