Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
