You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
