Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
