I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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