I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
