Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
