Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am naked and annoyed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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