I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
