I bet he comes in French.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Vodka?
Forever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Randomize
