Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
