so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have fence marks all over my body
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
