Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
