I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
