$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
