we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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