Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
