it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
