We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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