He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
