I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
bring money and cleavage
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
