I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
