Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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