Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize