I am puke
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
