"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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