Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
