I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
