3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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