Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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