are you still at the devil's house?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
